#50: A New Challenge: My Self-Portrait for the HSFK Portrait Award
Starting a painting for something as meaningful as the HSFK Portrait Award at the National Portrait Gallery brings a different kind of focus into the studio. I’ve been exploring ideas for a while, but this one feels like it carries something personal that I’ve been wanting to articulate for a long time.
This painting is a self-portrait — but one built from overlapping slices of my face, each one turned at a slightly different angle. The structure isn’t just an aesthetic choice; it’s a way of describing the physical experience of living with vertigo and ongoing health issues. A face that doesn’t sit still. A world that doesn’t always line up.
A Face Seen From Many Directions
Instead of presenting myself from one steady viewpoint, I’m dividing the portrait into slices, each one shifting slightly from the next. The effect should feel both intentional and unstable — the kind of instability that doesn’t knock you over, but never quite lets you settle.
This fragmentation mirrors the sensations of vertigo: the disconnect, the multiple perspectives, the slight sense of drift. Not enough to send the room spinning — just enough to remind you that your body sometimes disagrees with your mind.
And yet, within that disjointed structure, there’s still cohesion. Still a whole person. That balance is important to me.
Tape, Edges, and Colour as Language
I’m using masking tape as a structural tool to carve out clean, sharp edges between the slices — almost like fault lines. Around them, the brushwork will be more fluid, more organic. It’s the tension between rigidity and softness that feels closest to how these conditions shape daily life.
Colour will speak too. Cooler tones where things recede or blur. Warmer tones where presence feels stronger. I’m not painting symptoms; I’m painting the emotional translations they create.
The Odd Intimacy of Painting Yourself
Self-portraits always come with a certain strangeness, but this one feels even more personal. Looking at my own face as a subject is one thing; breaking it apart and examining how it fits back together is another entirely.
It’s not about dramatizing illness. It’s about acknowledging it honestly. This is the face I inhabit on the good days and the difficult ones. Painting it in pieces feels like a way of respecting that complexity rather than simplifying it.
Looking Toward the HSFK Award
Whether the painting is selected or not, working on it feels necessary. It’s forcing me to be precise, attentive, and honest — and that’s the kind of challenge I look for in portraiture.
For now, the studio is full of taped outlines, colour notes, and early layers of paint. The portrait is still finding its form, but I can already feel the intention behind it.
I’m painting not just what my face looks like, but what it feels like to live inside it.
.M.
Be real.
Make art.
If you’d like to learn more about my creative process or see my latest work, feel free to reach out or check out the rest of my website.